Just got struck by the reality big time! I was just working
on some kind of a report that I need to submit when I decided to put or to use
rather some law terms on it. Then just that! I was so stunned. I just realized that
I should have been a CPA by now. Perhaps I am already. If only I'd studied well
during my undergrad and my review days. If only I wasn’t afraid to bring myself to
the PRC and got my name registered last Oct. 2014 CPA Board Exam. If only I’d
focused well enough to gain some confidence. Probably by this point of time I
am already taking up some law classes to fulfill my dream of becoming a lawyer of which my dad wants me to become. If only… Just if only.
The fact is, I didn’t do anything at all. I just had all
these plans at the back of my mind but no actions at all. A lot of people truly
believes in me. Family and friends who truly knew me. They truly believe that I
will pass the board, that I will be a successful accountant and all. Just imagining
these people behind me; gives me a chill. Their love and support is really over
whelming. I don’t really even think that I deserve it. All I’ve been doing is
to give them false hope. Disappoint them.
I am so disappointed with myself as well. Being so conceited,
yet I proved nothing. Then now as I am writing to vent out, my playlist played “Reason
I live” and the lyrics amazingly touched me. As the lyrics says:
“I am yours, every part of me. Jesus, you’re the reason I live. Take my
life oh use me as you will. Jesus you’re the reason I live.”
In an instance I found peace. Good Lord. Amazing you truly
are. I know and I do believe that this pain and frustrations I am going through
now is just a way for me to know more about Christ. Again for the nth time, God
proved that He is the only thing I need in my life. He is the king of peace.
Praise God for this pain and sadness in my heart. For this pain; my heart found
You.