Praying Through Scriptures When Anxiety Strikes

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God is greater than anything that happens to us.

It's been three years since I graduated when I finally had a chance to take the board exam. I enrolled myself sa mga review school before.. but I stopped reviewing after the first pre-board. I never finished the review.. why?

Kasi duwag ako e.. Mayabang din ako.. Duwag ako kasi I don't want to take the board knowing na baka bumagsak ako.. I know hindi ko kaya yung sakit. I don't know.. but the thought of me failing the examination makes me sick. I don't even know on how am I going to handle it.. But I know na the real reason why I didn't take the board exam these past three years is because.. Mayabang ako. Me.. a child na never nawalan sa honour list mula pre-school hangang 1st year high school. Ako na kahit nagloko na ako nung 2nd year high school e tingin pa din ng mga teacher namin na matalino ako. Ako, na basehan ng mga friends ko sa board exam.. One of my friend even told me na.. "Mida, pag hindi ka makapasa.. ibig sabihin wala na kaming pag-asa".. Ayokong mag take kasi mayabang ako. Ayokong bumagsak kasi nahihiya ako sa mga taong ang taas ng tingin sa akin.. In short.. Mayabang talaga ako..


Not until 2016.. This year, I decided to get rid of myself. I know naman na God has been telling me to take the board. Ayoko lang talaga sumunod... but everything has changed.. March 2016 I enrolled again myself for the October 2016 CPA Board Examination. This time, I followed what God has been telling me. I remembered God telling me sa isa sa mga devotion ko na.. "It's not about you passing the board exam, mida.. It's about you following what I want you to do.." That very moment I surrendered to Him the result of the board.

July 21, 2016.. My devotion about the story of Jonah.. Then I realized how I am alike with Jonah.. If you are familiar with Jonah's story, we know na he's asking God to kill him kasi hindi nagkatotoo yung prophesy nya which is inutos ni God sa kanya at nahihiya sya sa mga tao. Well that's me.. I'm vey very much like Jonah. Like him I dont want to follow God when He told me to take the board exam. Ayoko! Kasi baka bumagsak ako at mapahiya ako. Pero kahit anong gawin ko nili-lead pa din ako ni Lord mag take e. He's continuously putting the desire in my heart to take it.. So I followed.. Pero this time.. My ending isn't alike with Jonah. Hindi ako nahihiyang bumagsak ako.. Hindi talaga. Kung nahihiya man ako, kay Lord yun. Kasi binigay nya lahat sa akin e. Pero I know na I didn't give my all. Pero kahit ganon, I know na may reason why He allowed this thing to happen. And I would still praise Him.

I praise God for the result of the examination. I praise Him for giving me a peace in my heart. I praise Him for being with me and to overcome my fear of failing. I praise God dahil no matter what... He's still my Lord and Savior, and nothing will ever change that! I praise God for I know that He will do something good out of this failure. I praise God for He is good. Yes He is good! always and forever... :)

Amazingly, God's message for me after the result was released....

Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the one who is leading.

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Sinking Deep

I was having my lunch with Jesus this afternoon. When I heard this song played on my phone... This song was already in my phone for such a long time. But it never hit me before like it did a while ago. It seems like, the song knows what's in my heart. It says exactly the unspoken words of mine.

"Sinking Deep"

[Verse 1:]
Standing here in your presence
In a grace so relentless
I am won by perfect love
Wrapped within the arms of heaven
In a peace that lasts forever
Sinking deep in mercy's sea

[Chorus:]
I'm wide awake, drawing close, stirred by grace
And all my heart is yours
All fear removed, I breathe you in, I lean into
Your love, oh, your love

[Verse 2:]
When I'm lost you pursue me
Lift my head to see your glory
Lord of all, so beautiful
Here in you I find shelter
Captivated by the splendor
Of your face, my secret place

[Chorus:]
I'm wide awake, drawing close, stirred by grace
And all my heart is yours
All fear removed, I breathe you in, I lean into
Your love, oh, your love

[Bridge:]
Your love so deep is washing over me
Your face is all I seek, you are my everything
Jesus Christ, You are my one desire
Lord, hear my only cry, to know you all my life

[Chorus:]
I'm wide awake, drawing close, stirred by grace
And all my heart is yours
All fear removed, I breathe you in, I lean into
Your love, oh, your love

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Depend on God

Life is not simple, and God’s ways are not our ways. Making the right decision may come at a cost. But in God’s eternal plan, His blessings arrive in due time. 

Lord, thank You for the examples of courage and obedience in Your Word. Help us learn from their mistakes and from their wise choices, as we make our choice to serve You.

God helps those who depend on Him.

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Like Sheep

Good morning! I just want to share my devotion for today... 

One of my daily chores when I lived with my grandfather in northern Ghana was taking care of sheep. Each morning I took them out to pasture and returned by evening. That was when I first noticed how stubborn sheep can be. Whenever they saw a farm, for instance, their instinct drove them right into it, getting me in trouble with the farmers on a number of occasions.

Sometimes when I was tired from the heat and resting under a tree, I observed the sheep dispersing into the bushes and heading for the hills, causing me to chase after them and scratching my skinny legs in the shrubs. I had a hard time directing the animals away from danger and trouble, especially when robbers sometimes raided the field and stole stray sheep.

So I quite understand when Isaiah says, "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way" (53:6). We stray in many ways: desiring and doing what displeases our Lord, hurting other people by our conduct, and being distracted from spending time with God and His Word because we are too busy or lack interest. We behave like sheep in the field. 

Fortunately for us, we have the Good Shepherd who laid down His life for us (John 10:11) and who carries our sorrows and our sins (Isa. 53:4-6). And as our shepherd, He calls us back to safe pasture that we might follow Him more closely.

Shepherd of my soul, I do wander at times. I’m grateful that You’re always seeking me to bring me back to Your side.

If you want God to lead you, be willing to follow.

My Reflection: I just realized that I am still like a sheep. Often times I still get astray. There are a lot of distractions that's keeping me away from my shepherd. I can only imagine how God wants me/us to be with Him. He wants to lead us so we can go home to our forever home in heaven safely. He doesn't want us to be stolen by the enemy. Our shepherd loves us so dearly, what an amazing God. Thank you fathered God! Truly truly, you deserved all the praises!

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Psalms 118:24

14th of April 2016

I've been asking God for direction and guidance on what to do with things that has been happening with me this past few months. Then this morning as I do my quiet time.. God gave me a clear answer thru Psalms 118:24
 
"This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it"

So often we focus on the disappointments of yesterday or the uncertainties of tomorrow and miss God's matchless gift to us: Today!

Dear God,

I want to mark this day that is why I am writing this blog. I want to remember how faithful you have been to me. I know someday, all these pain that I am feeling now will just be a part of my history. I might made and probably will make more wrong decisions in my life, I know there will always be one good decision that I will always make... and that is the decision of choosing you. I thought I will never experience this thing.. but here I go again. But this time I know that you are with me. Father God, I'll only be praying for one thing.. please be with me in every step of my life. I know it will never be easy but I do believe that every step will be worthy. Thank you for everything. I giving you all the praises and glory back. I love you, Jesus.

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Finding God's Peace in the Midst of Frustration

Just got struck by the reality big time! I was just working on some kind of a report that I need to submit when I decided to put or to use rather some law terms on it. Then just that! I was so stunned. I just realized that I should have been a CPA by now. Perhaps I am already. If only I'd studied well during my undergrad and my review days. If only I wasn’t afraid to bring myself to the PRC and got my name registered last Oct. 2014 CPA Board Exam. If only I’d focused well enough to gain some confidence. Probably by this point of time I am already taking up some law classes to fulfill my dream of becoming a lawyer of which my dad wants me to become. If only… Just if only.

The fact is, I didn’t do anything at all. I just had all these plans at the back of my mind but no actions at all. A lot of people truly believes in me. Family and friends who truly knew me. They truly believe that I will pass the board, that I will be a successful accountant and all. Just imagining these people behind me; gives me a chill. Their love and support is really over whelming. I don’t really even think that I deserve it. All I’ve been doing is to give them false hope. Disappoint them.

I am so disappointed with myself as well. Being so conceited, yet I proved nothing. Then now as I am writing to vent out, my playlist played “Reason I live” and the lyrics amazingly touched me. As the lyrics says:

 “I am yours, every part of me. Jesus, you’re the reason I live. Take my life oh use me as you will. Jesus you’re the reason I live.”

In an instance I found peace. Good Lord. Amazing you truly are. I know and I do believe that this pain and frustrations I am going through now is just a way for me to know more about Christ. Again for the nth time, God proved that He is the only thing I need in my life. He is the king of peace. Praise God for this pain and sadness in my heart. For this pain; my heart found You. 

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Celebrate True Life Retreat

It was our office's sports fest (May 29th) when Josh (my office mate) and I talked about seeing each other few months ago during Filled Fridays at CCF Eastwood. Well it's just really amazing because I just started with this new work of mine and seeing Josh made me realized that it's not really our first time to meet each other. So yeah going back, we were just talking about being Christian and all.. Then suddenly Josh told me that there would be a single's retreat on the 12th- 14th of June. He also asked me if I want to join.. well at the back of my mind, I like it and at the same time I don't.

Then when I got home my high school friend, Glenn IM me on Facebook and invited me to the same retreat. So I told him that it's quite sudden and I'm not really sure if I could, since I've just started with my work few weeks ago and I am not certain if I can cover all the fee for the retreat. 

Then after some few days Josh approached me and asked me if I do really like to go. In an instant I said yes and I don't even know why I said that. So Josh told me to just give him whatever amount I could possibly give him and he'll just look for a sponsor who'll help me. So I said sure. When I received my first salary I immediately gave the half of it to Josh. 

Even before the day of the retreat came, I was thinking if what would happen to me there since I was really attending CCF Main and not CCF Eastwood. There were a lot of negative thoughts in my mind during those times. I even thought of not going. But then I realized that it's not about the people there.. If I have friends there or none.. It's all about Jesus. It's about my personal encounter with my God and Savior. 

So on the 12th of June, I did go to the CCF Eastwood and all together with the other participants we went to the Mt. Makiling Re-Creation Center. When we arrived there, I was a real loner. Since the only two person I know on the event were absolutely busy as a bee. So I just sat there alone, until my facilitators approached me (Celine and Micah). So we sat and listened to the 1st session of the retreat. Then we went to our designated room and there we had a chance to finally meet each other. In an instant we were like crazy.

The next morning I met Sandra, she just arrived late that night when I was already asleep. So yeah, we also had a great time. Listening to the messages and having our breakout group. It feels so good to have someone who shares the same passion as you. After all the messages and games, that day went really well. 

It was such really a blessing to be surrounded with people who loves Christ. I really felt like I am at home. Hearing all their testimonials and how Christ really changed their lives. All of those really moved me. I felt really great.. being in a retreat again after two long years. I know that it was never an accident or by chance that I was able to join that retreat.  I know that God really pushed me to be there.. And I thank God for that. I've learned a lot, met new people, and most especially I felt really alive again. It seems like God recharged me again. I was truly filled with God's love. What an amazing God, indeed!

Messages that struck me the most:

1. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." -Galatians 2:20

* This verse really struck me.. I've been following Jesus for quite some time already and yet... I am still the one who's living. I've been committing carnal sin. And it's really good hearing this verse again and to be reminded that since the day I accepted Jesus to be my Lord and Savior I should have left the old me behind and let Jesus to drive my life. I am not perfect.. I am still a work-on-progress.. I still sin.. But knowing that I have a loving heavenly father makes me feel secure and forgiven.

All for God's Glory. Praised be to God.

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Obedience vs. Stubborness

Have you ever felt like doing something you really like but deep inside of you, you know that God isn’t leading you to that path? Have you ever felt that God is already calling you but you are just so stubborn to follow and respond to Him? You know and do believe that 

God knows what’s best for you but you just don’t want to accept it since it is not correlated with the plan that you have. In short, you are falling into your own battle with yourself.  

As Pastor Rick Warren says, “Obedience and stubbornness are two sides of the same coin. Obedience brings joy, but stubbornness makes us miserable.”

Perhaps right now, you’ll say that the road you would like to take is the road that would make you happy. But God wants you to be happy – long term happiness and He knows what is best for you. That is why He is leading you to another road.

If a rebellious spirit is keeping us from obeying God, it’s time for a change of heart. Return to the Lord; He is gracious and merciful.

Brothers and sisters, I don’t know what battle you are in now.. but I would just like to assure you that you are not alone. God is there beside you, just waiting for you to call on Him. Call upon Jesus and He will surely help you win in whatever battle you are in.

Think about this: First we make our habits; then out habits make us.

Make being Obedience as your habit and sooner or later that habit of obeying God will make you.

God Bless You God’s Beloved! :)

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God never fail me!

I would really just like to thank God for helping me to accomplish a very important matter in my life. I don’t want to say too much regarding this matter instead I would just really want to lift everything up to Him.


Thank you dear God, this one is all for you. You gave me a love of my life and even though it didn’t last long enough I do still thank you. I made this not only for him but for you as well. To show you my dear Lord how much grateful I am for the blessing that you had given me. I love you Lord God.

Here were the photos while doing it from 1 am - 8 am during December 20, 2012. While preparing for my 20th 20 and Christmas gift. ^^

The materials..

Getting ready..

While cutting the smiley wrapper.

Working in process. ^^

Writing random notes for the message box.

Present. ^^ 

Sorting the messages. 

Finished! Thank you dear God!

I love You so much dear God. Before I started doing it I prayed for Your guidance so that I would finish it and You never failed to help me. For 7 long hours I know You were by my side. Thank You so much Lord God. Thank You!

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Unanswered Prayers

For the past months I kept on praying for something and yet nothing happened. I felt like God wasn’t listening to me anymore. I was convincing myself for the past three months that maybe God was just so busy that’s why He wasn’t able to hear me nor to answer my prayers. I was also thinking that maybe my prayers were not just really relevant that’s why it’s not in His list at all. Yeah I know there are a lot of prayers around the world from different people; and yet here I am asking for a heart thingy problem. For some it’s really irrelevant, some may just laugh at me at all. But believe me or not, this thing means a lot to me. 

Well I am a kind of person who is really contented with my life. I don’t pray for a lot of things. I just pray to Him to ask for forgiveness, for protection, and to give thanks. I can truly feel how much blessed really I am. For the past few months I would say that this is the only time again where in I am really asking for His great help for something that I know I can’t really do alone. But for three months that I’ve been praying, nothing really happened. Well there are signs where in I would say that maybe God just really wants me to wait. Yeah last month I heard something and made me realized God’s answer-- to wait. I did, and I am still on the same spot keep on waiting. But yeah, waiting is really difficult to do. It’s really difficult because you aren’t really sure if you are still waiting for something or if it will be really worthy in the end. It’s like playing poker waiting for the flop. 

But this week, God spoke to me again. Friday, December 07, 2012 when I attended J-Zone Live, the topic was all about our unanswered prayers. We tend to pray and pray but there are times where in God is just really in silent. It seems like He isn’t really there hearing us. Just like in the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth in the book of Luke 1. They were both followers of God and they’ve been praying for a child for how many years, but they already grew old and yet their prayers weren’t answered. When they were both old already an angel said to them that they will bear a son and their son will be a blessing to many people. That son was John.

Saturday, December 08, 2012 I attended D-Group bible study and we’d talked about love and I was really like “God, are you really talking to me? It’s twice in a row. Is this topic really meant for me?” You know, God is really wonderful. Though I am not yet a fully developed Christian, yet He is using different people to move in my life as an instrument for me to hear Him. It was really amazing. 

Then today when I attended CCF, the topic was about our dreams that are not yet fulfilled. It’s all about waiting again. Pastor Edmund Chan even said that “Waiting means trusting in God.” And I do agree on that.

It may really take some time for God to answer our prayers, but it doesn’t mean that he isn’t hearing our prayers. It’s just that, He will answer us in a right time, in God’s time indeed. 

I don’t really know if God will give me exactly what I want. But I will continue to hope. I will be here and I will be strong. I know He will give what’s best for me. I will trust in Him and will continue to follow Him whether He answers me or not. I will stand firm. I will. So please Lord God do help me.

God is the God who keeps His promises even when His promises are impossible to keep.

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Lost

 Have you ever been lost? You feel like you are all alone in a midst? Even if you cry out loud, still no one can hear you. You’ve been trying different outlet just to ease the pain yet in the end, nothing has changed. Asking yourself what else can you do? But it seems like no one can help you at all. You’re so lost; all alone by yourself.  

Honestly speaking, I forgot the last time I’ve ever felt this way. I’ve been so perfectly happy these past few months in my life. I’ve even learned how to make way even closer to Him. I made that decision because I can feel Him. I was so grateful during those times. I can really feel his presence with me. So I asked Him, I asked Him to reveal His self to me even more because I want to know more about Him. I want Him in my life. 

Then few days after that, all of these things happened. Slowly, things are killing me. I felt so restricted and weak. So I prayed. I prayed and prayed. The more I pray, the more things get worse but every time I will read the bible or any material regarding Him; I can feel His presence. So I will be very empowered and motivated to fight, to be strong indeed. Then few hours after that, here we go again. Additional problems are on their way in my life. My life has been this way these past few weeks; and honestly speaking, I really don’t know what to do anymore.

I don’t want this. I can’t handle this thing anymore. I thought I was strong enough to handle everything that will come in my life but as times goes by; I think these problems were just telling and showing in my face that I can’t handle them. Yes! They won! I give up. I can’t really handle this alone. I’ve been praying and talking to You Lord since then. But why? It seems like you can’t hear me. Why these things were kept on happening to me every single day? Why? At first I thought it’s just a test. The moment I told You I want to know You better, then suddenly these things happened. I said to myself that maybe You just want me to seek for you. I did that Lord. 

I’m so sorry. I am too weak for these. I can’t really handle these things Lord. I don’t even know if I am getting all your answers in a right way. Or am I just telling myself that you showed that sign because that is what I want to see? I really don’t know anymore. I am throwing my hands up in the air. I swear, I can’t do this anymore. Please, I know You are just somewhere out there. You can hear me, can’t You? I am lost right now. And we both know that I am not yet a fully prepared Christian yet. I am just starting my way to meet You. God, please don’t make this way hard for me. I am still fragile. Please pick me up now. Please. Hear me now Lord.

Probably I am such a disappointment right now. I’ve been starting to follow you few months ago, and yet here I am crying, still lost. I am so sorry. You know I trust You but I am just me. A twenty year old lady trying to know You better. Look, I am still young. I am not that strong yet unlike other people. I still got disappointed every time I pray and doesn’t hear from You in return. But believe me, I am really trying to be still. Maybe You know that or yeah maybe not. But really I am. But right now, I just can’t though I am still trying. I am in pain; so much pain. I know this is just a test, a test that will make me strong. I know, and I do believe in that. I do believe in You. I can surpass this. I can.

Even though You are not answering my prayers, I hope… and I wish that someday You’ll hear it and You’ll finally answer it. I will still believe in that thing. I trust You. Just like what my favorite verse says: “Trust in the Lord; and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” –Psalm 37:3-4

“The lord is my portion; therefore I hope in Him.” –Lam 3:22-24

I will hope. I will trust. Please be with me. I will be fine. :|

----

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Waiting?

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."

- Psalm 37:3-4

If I were gonna put something in this section of my blogspot, I will put this verse first. The verse that is keeping me alive. The hope and love, everything in this verse. 

Trust in the Lord -- That is the thing that we should always do.. To trust Him. He knows what is good and will be best for us. 


"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart." -- I will continue to believe in this verse. I know that someday He will give what my heart desires. 


He knows what our heart desires, we just need to be still. 


God Bless everyone! :)

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