3:06 PM
miidalab
I really don’t know where to start. I don’t know if it’s
okay to write about my personal feelings here. I mean I really don’t know. But
for whatever reason, I would really like to write it here. Maybe someday I will
read this thing again. Maybe by that time I am already healed.
I am still hurt. Yes I am. I am not afraid neither ashamed
to admit that I am still in pain. I would really say that my heart isn’t broken
though. Funny uh? I am in pain and I am writing all of these rants here then
here I am claiming that I am not broken. Would you believe in me? But really, I
am telling the truth. I can’t feel that my heart was broken. Why? Because I
know that my heart is still there, it still loves him. And I know that it will
continue to love him.
Recently I’d watched two movies; and those two movies were
all about a love that will take place in the future. I don’t know if it’s God’s
answer to my prayers. But a part of me is wishing that it’s really one
of God’s answers. That in love, it is
not always in a right time. Perhaps that’s true, we do really have a right love
in a wrong time. It isn't the right time because we’re not ready yet. Maybe we are still young, we still have a lot
of things we need to do with our lives. We still need to grow as an individual. I hope it is. I hope that’s the answer.
If it’s only about waiting, I can surely wait. I can. I know I can. But I am not sure if I am still
waiting for someone. I know I’m not. But why am I giving myself all of this
false hope. I am a fool. I don’t know why I am still here. I don’t know why am I still madly in love with him. I don’t know what to do but I know God
is still there for me. I know He has the answer for all of this. Someday, I
will find it all out. I will understand why these things happened to us; to me.
And honestly speaking, that’s one of the things that make me strong. I know I
am not alone. God will always be with me. I know He will reveal everything to
me. In the right time, everything will be just fine.
I know I am still in love with you. I am not mad for what
had happened to us. I thank you for being honest with me. I thank you for
everything. At least now, I know I can love. I can love unselfishly. And as
time goes by I know I will be here. I will be here no matter what. I may not or
will not do anything after that night I think I did what I had to do. And there is nothing else I have to do. Just to be still.
I hope you can make it on time. I hope you can find your way back home
to me. I will be here --- waiting.
-ymxx
Posted in: Rants
